So we were talking about the experience I’ve had so far and what it means to be an Au Pair in general. I’d like to write about what ‘being an Au Pair’ means to me. A lot of people think I’m out here in Italy living some kind of ‘dream life’. Yes, I’m in Italy, and yes, it is amazing, but it’s far from glamorous! Unless you consider cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and butt wiping glamorous! So I’d like to give you guys a peek into my life as an Au Pair…
What a typical day is like for me…
I wake up around 7:45, get the girls ready for school, and bring them to school. I come back home, have breakfast, and usually go to the gym and run some errands. When I get back home, I take a shower and have lunch, do whatever else I need to do, then go pick up Vittoria from school. An hour later, Vittoria and I go pick up Chiara from school. Then we usually play or do some type of arts & crafts until dinner time, which is around 6. After dinner I tidy up the house, wash the girls, put them in their pajamas, and we usually watch a movie until Rosa gets home from work. Rosa gets home at about 7:30 and Bruno at about 8:30, by which time the girls are normally asleep. Then the three of us have dinner at around 9. After dinner I help with the dishes, relax, watch TV, or get on the computer, and try to get to sleep by 11. On Tuesdays and Fridays Chiara has swimming lessons from 4:30 until 5:30 so I take her (and Vittoria) to the pool. On Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays, the cleaning lady comes in the morning so I try to stay out of her way. Keep in mind, I don’t have a car here, so all these places I’m going and all these things I’m doing means walking. For example, on Tuesdays I pack Chiara’s bag for the pool, walk with Vittoria to get Chiara from school, then walk with both girls and their pool bag and Chiara’s bookbag and whatever else all the way to the pool. You don’t even want to know about the days when it’s raining and we have to incorporate umbrellas into this routine…
Learning Patience…
One of the main things I’m gaining out of my year as an Au Pair is a ton of patience. It’s not that I’ve always been an impatient person, it’s just that I’ve been on my own for the past 4 years, have had my own car since I was 16, etc. etc., so I never had to wait on anything or anyone and could usually do what I wanted, whenever I wanted. Being here has taught me to slow down and be patient and wait my turn. For example, the month we were on holiday at the sea, the house we were staying in had only one bathroom, hence, only one shower. After a long day in the sun and sand, I’m usually sprinting to the nearest shower. Well, this was not the case. First dibs on the shower went to the girls of course, which was a long process in itself. And then Rosa would shower, and then Bruno. And then whoever was visiting us would shower…one week it was Rosa’s sister, another week it was Bruno’s parents. And then, finally, almost two hours later, I could take a shower. I was miserable sitting around in a wet bathing suit covered in sand for that much time, so eventually I resorted to the ol’ baby-wipe method and cleaned up that way! Another example is meal time. Living on my own for the past 4 years, I’ve been able to eat whenever I wanted to. Basically just whenever I was hungry. Now, I have to wait for dinner. Not such a big deal, but definitely a bit of an adjustment. Another thing, I always get stuck with what I like to call ‘the dirty work’. You know, the things you usually run from doing because you’re too lazy or you just don’t feel like it. Yea, that stuff all gets laid on me. It’s okay though – it’s part of my job and it’s forcing me to grow up. If we get dressed up and go out to a fancy dinner, it’s guaranteed that Chiara is gonna have to use the bathroom (so I take her), and it’s guaranteed that as soon as I get back, Vittoria will have to go (so I take her.) It’s guaranteed that they will get restless and start running around the restaurant, so I have to go chase them down while my food is getting cold. And another thing: public transportation. I’ve grown to absolutely despise it, but I deal with it, because I have to. I’m so used to hopping in my own car and driving whenever I want. Now I have to go buy a bus ticket, and wait for the bus, which can take anywhere from 5 minutes to 1 hour. And once the bus finally comes, it’s jam-packed with old women who look like they hate their life or old men who secretly try to rub up on you. Sometimes I take a taxi and pay the extra money just to spare myself! I’m not complaining about all of these things, I’m just making a point that this has all made me more patient. For the past four years I’ve grown so accustomed to doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, without having to answer to anyone or take responsibility for anyone. Those times are long gone and the situation I’m in now is teaching me more patience, more responsibility, and more conscientiousness than I ever thought I could have!
The ‘Pros and Cons’
The last little ‘peek’ into being an Au Pair…
When I was looking into becoming an Au Pair and talking to different families, I knew I had to make my choice based on the Pros and Cons. How much money I would get paid, how many kids were in the family, the ages of the kids, the personality of the family, what was expected of me etc. were all things I took into consideration. I have been so lucky with the family I’m with, because things have worked out perfectly. I had to give up some things in order to gain other things, but it’s all about compromise with a job like this. I don’t mind sharing a bedroom with a 3-year-old because I’m getting paid really good and don’t have any expenses. I don’t mind living with a young family because they’ve provided me with a cell phone, bus tickets, food, and I even get to go on vacation with them. However, there are three things that have made my experience very challenging, and they are things that I never even thought about before I came here. They are things that I was only able to realize once I got here. The first is the language barrier. I thought nothing of it because I studied abroad in Florence in the summer of 2008 and was able to get along just fine. There was literally no language barrier; everyone I met or came in contact with spoke at least a little bit of English. Well, I didn’t realize it, but in Naples, virtually nobody speaks English. It’s not an ‘international city’ like Rome or Florence, it’s not touristy, and the general population isn’t very well educated. They don’t have a reason to speak English. Thankfully, Rosa speaks English. But when we go to family events, she’s not going to talk to just me the entire time; that’s just not right. Yes I am learning Italian, but besides the basics, I can’t get into a deep conversation with anyone. It’s also been very hard to find an Italian-language course that I could attend in Naples; something that would be a lot easier to find in Rome or Florence. But, I’m getting by. The second thing I didn’t realize was how hard it would be without a group of friends. It's definitely a struggle not having a peer-group to lean on. Actually, not having a peer-group is a major risk factor for depression (says the psychologist in me.) My brother always says "how hard can Italy be? I was in freakin' Iraq" and I think "Yes, you were in Iraq, on an American base with all your American products and all your American buddies to hang out with." Even if you join the Peace Corps and go to some 3rd-world country, you still have your friends. Even if you're a soldier in Iraq, you still have your support system. I don't. I thought I’d be meeting all these people and going out all the time. Well, it hasn’t happened. People ask me why. It’s kind of hard to answer that. Why? Because during the week I’m busy with the girls, so that’s out of the question. On the weekend I’m free, but what am I supposed to do, go to some bar or nightclub all by myself and just start talking to random people? I guess I could do that, but then again, it’s not very common for people here to speak English. When you really think about it, all the friends you have right now are people you met at school, at work, or through another friend. Well, I don’t go to school, my ‘work’ is the girls, and you can’t meet friends of friends when you don’t have any friends. I’m not asking for pity, and I don’t feel sorry for myself, but when people say “OMG I bet you’re going out all the time and meeting so many people”, they don’t understand why I don’t and why I can’t. Now, with all of that said, I do have a couple of friends here in Naples. The first is Rosa’s sister Mary, who is close to my age. We went out one night in Naples and had a decent time. When we were on holiday in Gaeta she stayed with us for a week, and we went out every night. It was with her that I might Mario and his group of friends. However, they all live in Caserta and barely ever come to Naples, and I’ve only seen Mary once since Gaeta because she is busy with work and her own friends and her boyfriend. My second friend is Lucia, who I met in Gaeta through a cousin of Rosa. Lucia is my age and attends university here. We exchanged numbers and have hung out several times since Gaeta and I’m so thankful to her! (Lucia, if you’re reading this, HI!). She has introduced me to areas of Naples that I didn’t know before, like Piazza Vanvitelli and all the great shopping around there. We’ve gone for coffee in a great little café. We like the same music. She’s introduced me to a couple of her girl friends, and this past Sunday she invited me to come to the movies with her and her friend Marco. And best of all, she (and her friends) speak English! I am so grateful to know someone like Lucia here in Naples. Sometimes I feel bad because I’m a little clueless about the city and I don’t want her to think I’m relying on her or that she has to hold my hand through everything, especially since she is still in university and is busy a lot, but it is SO nice to have someone to hang out with on weekends. The final challenge that I’m facing here in Naples is that sometimes I feel like I’m losing a year of my youth. By that I mean, with my job comes a lot of responsibility, so I feel like I can’t enjoy being young. I go all week without fixing my hair or wearing makeup, because the only people who see me besides the family are the cashier at the grocery store and the girls’ teachers. I want to buy all these fabulous clothes and shoes but I don’t because I have nowhere to wear them; during the week I’m usually in jeans and a t-shirt or a sweater. I can’t update my Twitter and Facebook from my Blackberry or iPhone like all my friends do. I can’t lay around the house all weekend in my pajamas. I can’t hop in my car and just cruise with the windows down and the music up. I can’t go out to lunch with my girlfriends, get drunk on a random weeknight, or flirt with a cute guy in class. I can’t do these things because I don’t HAVE these things. It’s a lot of things that I’ve always had or always been able to do, but took them for granted while they were there. Now that they’re gone, I miss them.
I haven’t written this post to complain. I don’t want people to pity me or feel sorry for me. I just want people to see what I'm actually doing over here and understand that the experience I’m having isn’t some glamorous amazing dream. It’s actually a challenge that I’ve been happy to take on, and it’s made me grow up a whole lot. I’ve been completely out of my comfort-zone for the past five months, but it’s made me a stronger and hopefully a better person. With all of that said, being an Au Pair in a foreign country is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. If anyone has even considered doing it, I can’t scream it loud enough: DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! PLEASE! It’s such an amazing thing. If you need help or advice, I can walk you through it. It seems so crazy that last year at this time I was signing up on the greataupair.com website…and I slowly started talking to families…and Rosa and I started making plans…and here I am, in Italy, actually doing it. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure it’s really happening. I love Italy and I love the Italian culture...the European culture. I'm embracing it and learning as much about it as I can and familiarizing myself with it. It’s been such a great opportunity, and even with all the ups and downs, I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
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